Hogwarts Instant Messenger
by chanalizah
Summary: a humorous twist in time--the screennames are post DH, but the characters don't quite get it...they're all 14-16 years old!
1. IntroducingTHE MARAUDERS!

Okay I own nothing, I just came up with these screennames for the HP crowd (we're gonna pretend that they can all IM each other;this is after DH so if you don't get the names, go read the 7th book.

HOWEVER there is one twist (a twist in time). They're ALL teenagers (they're 14-16 i should mention, not of age yet). All of them. Even Dumbledore. So, they don't all understand their screennames...yet... R+R if you want me to write more!

traitorworm has logged on

PadfootGodfather has logged on

traitorworm: Hey, is anyone else on here?

PadfootGodfather: I'm here. Who are you?

traitorworm: It's me, Wormtail I'm guessing you're Padfoot?

PadfootGodfather: No duh Wormtail, its in my screenname. speaking of which, WTF?? Godfather? Me?

ProngsGirl has logged on

ProngsGirl: Hi Peter, hi Black

PadfootGodfather: Hey Evans, have you finally stopped rejecting Prongs then?

ProngsGirl: NO! Why would you think th---WHAT?????????

traitorworm: LMAO Lily got played!

ProngsGirl: Shut up Pete. And besides, what about yours? Traitor worm? That doesn't even make sense!

traitorworm: Yeah, me and Padfoot were just wondering about that

PadfootGodfather: I don't care about yours Wormy, I care that I am being called a godfather!

StagChaser has logged on

StagChaser: Oho! Padfoot my man! Calm down!

PadfootGodfather: Prongs?

StagChaser: Yup! and who else is here...? Wormy, Evans??

ProngsGirl: Don't you say a word Potter

StagChaser: Would asking you out get me zapped?

ProngsGirl has ZAPPED StagChaser

StagChaser: I guess that answers that question...

lunarlychallenged has logged on

PadfootGodfather: Helloo? Prongsie? We have bigger problems! Like: Who was demented enough to name me their kid's godfather?? Only one stupid enough to do that'd be you Prongs!

lunarlychallenged: *sighs* Hello Padfoot

PadfootGodfather: MOONY! Oh good, maybe you can explain why my screenname is PadfootGodfather

lunarlychallenged: *sighs* Is my screenname THAT obvious?

ProngsGirl: Sorry Remus it is. Please don't sigh anymore :)

StagChaser: *sighs*

lunarlychallenged: Okay if you say so Lily :)

StagChaser: *_sighs_*

lunarlychallenged: Anyway, in answer to your question Padfoot, its possible that it means a muggle movie, The Godfather

StagChaser: *sighs*

PadfootGodfather: Oh okay. Who is the godfather in that movie?

StagChaser: *sighs*

lunarlychallenged: It's this dude with a really deep voice and stuff. He's very suave.

ProngsGirl: I guess that makes it not apply to you Black! ;)

PadfootGodfather: :P

StagChaser: *SIGHS*

ProngsGirl: What _is it_ Potter??

lunarlychallenged: Yeah, really, what is it Prongs?

PadfootGodfather: I know what it is.....

StagChaser: Aren't you gonna ask me to stop sighing Lily-pad?

ProngsGirl:---

PadfootGodfather: Told ya.

lunarlychallenged: Uh-oh.....

ProngsGirl: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--silence--

StagChaser:......Why not?

lunarlychallenged: Lily, don't explode, he only thought of it because i was sighing and you asked me to stop

StagChaser: Yeah, Lils, Moony started it!

ProngsGirl: I only asked Remus to stop because Remus is my _friend_ and is not a bigheaded prat so I actually _care._

StagChaser: :'(

traitorworm: Aww, Lily, you made him cry.

ProngsGirl: STAY OUTTA THIS PETE!

traitorworm has logged off

ProngsGirl: Potter, if you are not gone in 4 seconds, I am going to hex you

StagChaser: But, Lily

ProngsGirl: 3

StagChaser: Moony, help me!!

ProngsGirl: 2.....

lunarlychallenged: Sorry mate.

ProngsGirl: 1..................

StagChaser: AHH!

StagChaser has logged off

ProngsGirl: Ah that's better. Well I have a charms essay to finish so I'll be going Remus

lunarlychallenged: Okay Lily I'll see you later

ProngsGirl has logged off

lunarlychallenged has logged off

PadfootGodfather: Hello? Mooooooonny? Eeeeeeeeeeevvvvvans? Drat.

PadfootGodfather has logged off


	2. The trio, Ginny, Fred, and George!

formerlypossessed has logged on

HeroComplex has logged on

formerlypossessed: Who's here?

HeroComplex: It's me

formerlypossessed: Who is "me"?

HeroComplex: Harry :) Who is this?

formerlypossessed: Not _again_ Harry!?

HeroComplex: Not again what?

formerlypossessed: Honestly, who is the only person that you know who has actually been possessed (and by Voldemort, I might add)?

HeroComplex: Oh. Sorry Ginny.

formerlypossessed: Thats okay. So what's with your screenname anyway?

HeroComplex: Oh..........er.................

formerlypossessed: Oh _come_ on Harry! You love saving people! Like you did my first year ;)

HeroComplex: Hehehe

HungryWeasley has logged on

DontYouRead? has logged on

HungryWeasley: Oi! Watch what youre saying to my sister!

HeroComplex: .......Ron?

DontYouRead?: Honestly Ronald, you can't give people any privacy? It's Harry's business what he says to Ginny

formerlypossessed: Yeah! Hey, how did you know who we were?

DontYouRead?: It's called the scroll wheel Ginny. It's next to the touchpad on your school laptop. And besides, they're so obvious!

HungryWeasley: How'd you figure mine out? *goofy grin*

DontYouRead: You're the only person who would tell Harry to 'watch what he says to your sister'

twintrouble has logged on

troublewithtwins has logged on

twintrouble: Ah, that's where you're wrong our dear little bookworm

troublewithtwins: Yeah, me or Fred could (and would) have said it!

DontYouRead?: Yes, but Ronald. *glares at HungryWeasley* is always eating!

HungryWeasley: Like I said...I'm hungry...

DontYouRead?: Ugh!

HeroComplex: Oh cheer up Hermione

DontYouRead?: So how'd you figure mine out, you're so smart...

formerlypossessed: Well 'mione, it's not exactly difficult

troublewithtwins: Yes, it's actually one of your favorite sayings. Right Fred?

twintrouble: Right George

DontYouRead?: I only said it once, and that was in, what, second year??  
HungryWeasley: Actually, it was first

HeroComplex:.....................Ron? How d'you know that?

HungryWeasley: Um.........er..........a.......good mem'ry is all.....

formerlypossessed: Anyhoo, changing the subject.........

twintrouble/troublewithtwins: Right!

formerlypossessed: Harry I was wondering if you could help me with my stunning spells, they've mostly just been causing a slight twinge in my opponent :D

HeroComplex: Oh sure Ginny meet me in the Room of Requirement, 10 minutes?

formerlypossessed: Okay, I'll be there.

formerlypossessed has logged off

HeroComplex has logged off

troublewithtwins: Well we'll just leave you two lovebirds to yourselves

twintrouble: Yeah, we wouldn't want to interrupt anything.....

troublewithtwins/twintrouble: *mischievous grins*

HungryWeasley: Oi!

troublewithtwins has logged off

twintrouble has logged off

HungryWeasley: Gits.

DontYouRead?: That's all right Ron. How about we work on that potion you were having trouble with?

HungryWeasley: Yeah, that dumb healing potion for warts or something. I keep getting confused if you put in the lacewing flies first and then stir clockwise or if you put in the newt eyeballs and then stir three times clockwise and once counterclockwise. Or is it the other way 'round?

DontYouRead?: Oh Ron. Come to the common room; I'll be there in a minute with my potions kit. I'll show you

HungryWeasley: Thanks Hermione, you're a lifesaver what with these O.W.L.s coming up

DontYouRead?: Don't you think I know that Ronald???

HungryWeasley: Er......Yeah......You're Hermione, you know everything.

DontYouRead?: I mean, these are the most important exams of our academic careers thus far! We have to know everything all the way back to first year! And we need to be studying! Haven't you studied Potions yet, anyway??

HungryWeasley: Yeah....

DontYouRead?: I mean really. Honestly, don't you READ? It's in our textbooks on page 354!

HungryWeasley: Lol

DontYouRead?: What?

HungryWeasley: And you said it wasn't one of your favorite sayings.

DontYouRead?: Common room. 5 minutes.

DontYouRead has logged off

HungryWeasley: You don't think she's mad do you?

HungryWeasley: Nah, she couldn't possibly......

HungryWeasley: Could she?

HungryWeasley has logged off

You all need to vote in my poll on my profile (sorry, it wasn't uploading right before) before I can continue. I won't beg you for reviews but they'd be nice :D


	3. Minnie, Voldy, and Dumblydore

A/N: SORRY! I know it's been AGES since I've updated. I had **major** writer's block and then I had finals. This isn't the best introduction to the timeframe thing, but they won't tell anyone so others will have to figure stuff out on their own.

MemoriesHurt has logged on

GryffindorLioness has logged on

MemoriesHurt: Hello GryffindorLioness. Who are you?

GryffindorLioness: It's Minnie. Who are you?

MemoriesHurt: Minnie? Minnie Mouse?

GryffindorLioness: Oh stop it, whoever you are. Muggles stole that name from a student who was here DECADES ago.

MemoriesHurt: What do you mean? She's a seventh year. How would Muggles know her name?

GryffindorLioness: ??? Who are you???

MemoriesHurt: I. Am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.

GryffindorLioness: *GASP* Dumbledore??

MemoriesHurt: Yes...?

GryffindorLioness: I'm Minnie McGonagall. I'm a prefect. Don't you know that?

MemoriesHurt: Well, I _thought_ I knew all the Gryffindor prefects. But it seems I was wrong.

GryffindorLioness: WHAT??? So who did you think was the 5th year female prefect for Gryffindor, huh?

MemoriesHurt: Wait, that's YOU? But that's impossible!

GryffindorLioness: No it's not, it's true.

MemoriesHurt: No, it can't be. The only female Gryffindor prefects are Lauren Lawncrest, Mary McIlhenny, and Rasha Rycanthrow

GryffindorLioness: Wait...If they're the Gryffindor prefects,

MemoriesHurt: They are.

GryffindorLioness: Then you must be Head Boy???

MemoriesHurt: Of course I am. And I have the badge to prove it.

GryffindorLioness: But....But.....What did you do to these laptops?

MemoriesHurt: Nothing! Professor Dippet gave them out!

GryffindorLioness: Of course he did....

MemoriesHurt: Just whar are you implying Minnie?

GryffindorLioness: I'm implying nothing. I'm saying that you bewitched these computers somehow and that's why I'm talking to your 7th year self.

MemoriesHurt: For the last time, I didn't do anything!

GryffindorLioness: Of course you didn't. Not yet anyway.

MemoriesHurt: Not yet?

GryffindorLioness: Never mind.

h8spotter has logged on

h8spotter: Hello.

GryffindorLioness: Who are you?

MemoriesHurt: And how old are you?

GryffindorLioness: And what house are you in?

h8spotter: ...

h8spotter: I'm Voldemort, I'm 17, I'm a Slytherin 6th year prefect.

h8spotter: Why?

MemoriesHurt: Because I thought I knew all the students in the school, and people keep popping up out of nowhere!

GryffindorLioness: And I thought you were supposed to be **smart** Dumbledore!

h8spotter: Wait, that's _Dumbledore?_

MemoriesHurt: Yes

GryffindorLioness: And I'm Minnie McGonagall.

h8spotter: Pr--I mean dear Minnie, how are you?

GryffindorLioness: Fine...

h8spotter: So, I understand Minnie's screenname, but I don't get yours Dumbledore.

MemoriesHurt: Neither do I, frankly. What about yours. Do you know anyone named Potter?

h8spotter: Of course I do, they're one of the oldest pureblood families alive. But I don't know why I hate one of them.

MemoriesHurt: Why would you? They're pureblood wizards. They're the best.

h8spotter: Of course they are Pr--Albus. Never knew you'd be of that opinion as well.

GryffindorLioness: Excuse you? Dumbledore what are you talking about? Riddle I at least understand, but you?

h8spotter: **don't call me Riddle. I mean it.**

MemoriesHurt: Eh, I dunno. It was Gerlert's idea. I just thought anyone with magical abilities, but he....edited.

GryffindorLioness: I'm going to have to speak to the Headmaster about this.

MemoriesHurt: He's out tonight. He's in a meeting with the headmasters of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang.

GryffindorLioness: Sure, sure.

GryffindorLioness has logged off

MemoriesHurt: hey, do I detect sarcasm?

MemoriesHurt: Dang.

h8spotter: Oh well, you can catch her tomorrow. And me, I'm afraid. I have a Potions paper to finish.

MemoriesHurt: Oh, quite. I'll speak to you tomorrow--er--type to you.

h8spotter: I'm looking forward to it.

h8spotter has logged off

MemoriesHurt has logged off


	4. DE1, the DOE, Arthur, and Hagrid

mugglesRcool has logged on

ImaDE1 has logged on

alwaysadoe has logged on

monsterluv has logged on

ImaDE1: I would ask who you all are, but the first is all too obvious. Who, but Arthur Weasley would have a screenname like _that?_

mugglesRcool: I would ask who you are ImaDE1, but no one but someone who was utterly enraptured with Lord Voldemort would have that as a screenname, Malfoy.

ImaDE1: I do, however, have to ask, who this doe person is...

alwaysadoe: Lucius, it's Sev.

ImaDE1: SEVERUS???

alwaysadoe: There's no need to...explode. I don't understand it either. But what does it matter? Who picked these names anyway? It wasn't me. And who is monsterluv?

mugglesRcool: Probably Dumbledore. He's the only one who knows us well enough to get such perfect names.

alwaysadoe: So what about my "perfect" name Weasley? How come it doesn't make any sense? I guess Dumbledore isn't as much of a genius as you thought, huh?

monsterluv: Dumbledore's the best headmaster this school's ever seen!! And yeh'd do well to remember it!

alwaysadoe: Oh, of course...

ImaDE1: What?

alwaysadoe: monsterluv? Who do we know who likes to raise what he calls 'interestin' creatures' and are known to the rest of the world as....monsters? Oh I _wonder._

ImaDE1: You can't mean Hagrid.

alwaysadoe: Of course I can.

monsterluv: I'd appreciate it if yeh'd not talk about me like I'm not in the chat room.

alwaysadoe: Of.....course....

monsterluv: Now what were yeh sayin' bou' Dumbledore pickin' our screennames?

mugglesRcool: I was informing Severus and Lucius that no one but Dumbledore could possibly know everyone well enough to make up these screennames.

monsterluv: Well, Dumbledore'd be your man!

alwaysadoe: I cannot help thinking......that you would say that no matter what.... the situation actually called for

monsterluv: Well he would be the best at just abou' everything.

mugglesRcool: Yes he would. Don't be too jealous Snape.

alwaysadoe: Jealous.....hm...., no, I can tell you that.....jealous is probably one emotion that I am _not_ at the moment..

mugglesRcool: Do NOT expound on that thought Snape. These chats are accessible by the whole of the Ministry. But of course, perhaps that's what someone wants...Malfoy.....?

ImaDE1: Don't even go there Weasley. You know perfectly well that the invisibility of my actions are critical to my life.

mugglesRcool: Your life or your precious Dark Lord's

ImaDE1: MINE, you idiot. You have no idea the pressures of being in this..

alwaysadoe: Lucius.........

ImaDE1: I know, I'm sorry, it's just so, ......ugh, anyway.

monsterluv: I was wonderin' what you an' Snape were doin' outside this mornin' before breakfast. Yeh were l;ookin over yer shoulders like yeh was tryin' not to be seen. An' on the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

alwaysadoe: As if it's any of _your_ business, filthy half-breed.

monsterluv has logged off

ImaDE1: Oh, good, the big scary giant's gone. Why don't you follow him? You can go now and dry his tears, Weasley.

mugglesRcool: Ha. Ha. Ha. Not a chance. Hagrid's fine. He just wanted to get away from the inherent stupidity of you slimy gits. I've half a mind to go the route of the Marauders and rig the Slytherin showers with shampoo so Snape's hair won't be so greasy.

alwaysadoe has logged off

mugglesRcool: Aha! Not so brave now, without your little friend now are ya Malfoy?

ImaDE1: Arthur, we have Potions now with Slughorn. Sit next to me, and I'll explain everything.

mugglesRcool: How?

ImaDE1: Notes of course.

ImaDE1 has logged off

mugglesRcool has logged off to go find his Potions book


	5. My Apologies

SORRY, guys. First, I lost my computer entirely. Then I forgot where I was going with this story, and basically, now all inspiration is gone. I've evolved as a writer (or so I hope), and will be publishing other stories in the near future (again, so I hope). In essence, this fanfic is terminated until further notice. Thanks so much for reading, guys.


End file.
